Torn Asunder
by omens
Summary: I would forgive you for anything. Anything but this. Future fic. [Spaige.Spimmy]


**Name: **Chris

**Title: **Torn Asunder

**Genre: **Angst

**Rating: **T

**Summary: **I would forgive you for anything. Anything except this. Future-fic.

_**Written for Livejournal's Song100. Lyrics from 'Bless the Broken Road' by Melodie Crittenden. (Her version totally trumps Rascal Flatt's any day of the week and she recorded it first.)**_

_**A/N: This thing has been haunting me for the better part of the last month. Hopefully the segmented writing doesn't hamper the end result. Enjoy. **_

…0...

_I think about the years I spent_

_Just passing through_

_I'd like to take the time I lost and give it back to you_

_But you just smile and take my hand_

_You've been there, you understand_

_It's all part of a grander plan_

_That is coming true_

…0...

I remember growing up hearing stories from my aunts and uncles about the kinds of crazy stunts they pulled with their friends when they were in high school. There was always this expression on their faces when they'd talk-'wistful' as Paige would say. Like it was some great movie they saw or a dream vacation they wanted to go back to. And when they were done they'd always look me straight in the eye and say, "Enjoy it while it lasts, Gavin. It doesn't last forever."

I learned that the hard way in grade eleven. I did something stupid to save my own skin and blew my entire world apart. I lost anything and everything that I loved and no matter how hard I tired I couldn't get it back.

So I resigned myself to making a new life. Darcy and the Friendship Club showed me that just maybe new wasn't bad and that old wasn't the only way. That I could start over. And then the thing I wanted more than anything else in the world just fell into my lap.

Marco forgave me. True, I nearly screwed it up but he did. Then Paige. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, but I cheated on Darcy with her just hours after I got her back. I have no excuse. I wanted Paige. I'd always wanted Paige. She was my life back then. Everything I was and wanted to be when I was at Degrassi was tied up in her and what she represented. If I had her, I had it all. Maybe Jimmy would even forgive me.

Jimmy. He was my best friend, my brother, for as long as I could remember. I don't have a single childhood memory that doesn't revolve him in some way. And if you had asked me at seventeen I would have said that I intended for the rest of my life to be that way. Jimmy and I were going to grow up, be best man at each other's wedding's, live near each other and our kids would be best friends too. Most people think only girls think that way but it's not true. Anybody who's ever had a real, true best friend thinks like that.

Then Rick happened.

Psycho. Beat Terri up, put her in a coma, and Radditch actually let him come back. Like we'd really want to see his face everyday after what he did. You couldn't remember the sight of Terri sprawled on the ground bleeding and not want some revenge. Only we couldn't touch him-Radditch made sure of that. But what the principle didn't see didn't hurt anybody. Except Rick. And he deserved it. No one else was supposed to get hurt.

Had Jay not seen the paint in the sink I doubt it ever would have happened. I would have spilled and then I'd have been the one with a bullet hole in me. But Jay did see, pointed it out, and we blamed Jimmy. I knew Rick considered Jimmy a friend because he stood up for him once. He got to know him through that stupid trivia team and I don't know-I guess he decided he wasn't the scum of the Earth then.

I'm sure he changed his mind when Rick shoved that gun at him.

Jimmy never walked again and it was all my fault-as he made sure to tell me every single day for over a year. I'd seen Jimmy angry before. Seen him so mad he looked like he wanted to kill someone. But with me … he didn't even care enough to be angry. He hated me and I wasn't worth his time.

But he forgave me too. The one thing I was sure he would go to his grave never doing. And it was like a storm broke. The sky cleared up and everything was sunny again. I had my best friend back. I had my life back.

That was five years ago. During that time my life turned into everything I had ever wanted it to be. The store was thriving thanks to Jimmy's art degree and Paige's business degree. She took over while Jimmy was away at art school and I joined the Police Academy. And when Alex moved to Winnipeg for university Paige and I reconnected. Permanently that time. Three years and a couple paychecks later I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me like I'd thought about since we were fifteen. Of course she said yes. I am pretty studly after all.

Paige threw herself into wedding plans. It was her big day-her chance to shine and I let her. I was just a prop after all, as Jimmy so kindly kept reminding me. I tried to ignore him. He wasn't trying to be a pain-he was in pain.

Jimmy went to art school at Concordia in Montreal-one of the best fine arts schools in the country, and Ash was at U of M so they could be close. Then her dad got sick and she went back to London, transferring to Cambridge and their relationship fell apart. It could survive a few sexual glitches but apparently not the Atlantic Ocean.

This happened around the same time I got promoted to Detective and I had to spend even more time at the station. Paige and I had been engaged for around eight months and the plans had stalled. We were both so busy and Paige didn't like the idea of making the majority of the decisions without me-which was more than a little surprising. She hadn't used to care too much about my opinion.

"Spin, we have to get this stuff done. We don't even have a date set!"

I looked up at her over the table. We were having dinner with Jimmy like we did every Wednesday night and as usual she was nagging me about the wedding plans.

"I told you already," I said, "that whenever and wherever you decide is fine. Just tell me and I'll be there with bells on. Pass the potatoes."

I took the bowl from her, smiling in response to the glare she was giving me.

She turned to Jimmy on her other side. "Will you help me here?"

"I think you should just give it up, Paige," he told her. "Spin's pretty hopeless at this stuff."

I nodded and took a bite of my potatoes. She sighed and poked solemnly at her chicken. I knew exactly what she was doing. Paige had learned years ago that a few good hours, or mere minutes, of pouting would guarantee her just about anything she wanted out of me. And it was a lot less messy than throwing one of her infamous tantrums. I'd seen plenty of that look in the preceding months. "Oh come on, Paige. Don't do that."

"I'm not doing anything," she stated. Her eyes stayed fixed on her plate, her tone low and deliberately sad.

"Paige, you do realize that if you let Spin have input you'll wind up with pigs in a blanket at your reception," Jimmy told her.

"I wish," I muttered under my breath. Luckily, my phone rang before Paige could retort. We'd had that argument already and it wasn't pretty. "Mason."

"You're leaving, right?" Paige's arms were crossed over her chest like they always did when she was getting huffy, her hands tucked into the crooks of her elbows.

Grabbing my jacket off the back of my chair, I threw a look over at Jimmy. He shrugged. No help whatsoever. Or maybe …

"Paige," I pleaded, "I have to go. I'm sorry. But I have an idea. Who knows me better than anyone else in the world?"

"I do," Paige and Jimmy said at the exact same time. They looked at each other and Paige stuck her tongue out at him.

"Exactly."

They both looked confused, glancing back and forth between me and each other. "Uh, Spinner, honey," Paige said. "You're gonna have to clarify."

"You two know what I like, what I don't. So consider Jimmy here," I clapped my hands on his shoulders from behind his chair, "your stand-in Spinner when I can't be there."

"Oh no." Jimmy's head shook furiously and he waved his hands in the air. "I'm not helping **your** fiancée plan **your** wedding, Spin. Sorry."

I glanced down at my watch. I had a couple minutes left to work on him before I could risk my Lieutenant yelling at me. They weren't understanding the brilliance of my plan.

"Jimmy, man, come one. You're an artist. You know all about colors and stuff. You'll be way more help to Paige than I will."

"You know-he has a point," Paige mused.

"Paige," Jimmy whined. "You what, want me to help you choose bridesmaid's gowns?"

She rolled her eyes in typical Paige fashion. Sometimes I think I could predict her every move. Jimmy was done for and I knew it. So I patted him on the shoulder, kissed Paige's cheek, and left for the precinct.

…0...

"I am going to kill you," Jimmy muttered under his breath. "Slowly. And it's really going to hurt."

I laughed. It was hard not to. The look on his face was something like the one he used to get whenever I'd get him in trouble with Kwan. Paige was on the phone with the wedding coordinator-not planner as I'd repeatedly been corrected-for the third time that day. Two weeks with Jimmy standing in for me and Paige had nailed down a date, a church, a dress, and her half of the guest list. Told you I was brilliant.

Now Jennifer 'No, you are not allowed to call her J Lo, Spinner' had apparently found the perfect place or the reception. Paige chatted animatedly away on her cell; dumping brochures and booklets in Jimmy's lap each time she walked by. And me? I was busy watching the Leafs game.

"Since you're not busy at the moment, you could be doing this," he hissed. "I'm only the pseudo-Spinner when you're at work." Throwing a brochure at me, he wheeled backwards away from the table. "I could use a little help with the future Mrs. Spin over there. Was she always this demanding?"

"Pretty much," I confirmed.

"You're a brave man, Spin."

I shook my head. "I'm a lucky man."

He followed my eyes, nodding in agreement. "True. Finding someone willing to put up with you for the rest of your life-give the girl a medal."

"I heard that." Paige snapped her phone shut. She sidled over and settled herself onto my lap. Her eyes trained onto Jimmy and judging from his expression she was wearing her disapproving face. Oh, how well I know that look.

"I'd just disrupt the flow you guys have going," I said as I wrapped my arms loosely around Paige's waist. Jimmy's face went stony. It bugged him to see us all lovey-dovey after Ash dumping him I guess. I can understand that. I hated seeing them all cutesy couply when I was single. Nothing makes you feel lonelier than being constantly reminded that you're alone.

"He has a point, Jimmy. We've almost got the engagement party planned. Spin's contribution is just showing up and smiling. And dressing nice," Paige said. "It's better for everyone that way."

"After all these years, she finally sees the light," I quipped. Paige whacked my arm, laughing, and kissed me softly.

And for Jimmy's sake I pretended I didn't notice the way he averted his eyes.

…0...

With the date set for early summer Paige decided that late winter was the perfect time for an engagement party and she approached it with as much gusto as the actual wedding. I personally didn't see the point since we had been engaged for well over six months already. But she had her mind made up and it's easier to just let her have her way.

The day of the party I came home early from my shift to find Paige having a meltdown and Craig passed out on our couch. Not what I was expecting to see. I'd been hoping for a little 'alone time' with my fiancée before the party. Then I could talk her out of making me wear that hideous purple tie with my suit. I can be very persuasive when I need to be.

"Whoa, what's the matter?" My hands on her shoulders stopped her rapid pacing around the kitchen table and muttering.

"What's wrong?!" Uh-oh. I knew that tone. "What's wrong is that the caterers got the dates mixed up so there's not going to be any food for the guests, including the thirty or so extra my mom invited without telling me about until today and who aren't going to have anywhere to sit. The cleaners ruined my favorite dress so I have nothing to wear. Ash missed her flight so she's not even going to be here and neither is Marco who has the flu. And now Craig's jet lagged out on our couch and Ellie's been throwing up for the better part of an hour."

Wow. And she said it all in one breath. Impressive.

"What's wrong with Ellie?"

Paige sighed, slumping against me. "It's called morning sickness, Spin. It's around noon her time so she's still …"

"Ouch." Poor Ellie. If I were her, I think I'd be pretty ticked at Craig. However, being that Paige has already informed me she wants to be pregnant within a year of our wedding day, maybe I should be a bit more understanding. Paige is going to be in Ellie's shoes soon and wanting to kill me.

"Yeah. At the rate she's going," Paige added, "I don't really see her being the life of the party tonight."

"There's a shocker."

"I heard that, Spinner." Ellie had definitely looked better. She was pale and drawn and looked ready to keel over. I pulled out a chair for her and she collapsed into it, her head falling into her hands. Paige walked over and rubbed her back soothingly. Apparently Ellie's problems made her forget about her own for the time being.

"Can we do anything for you, Sweetie?" Paige asked.

"Shoot me," Ellie replied. "Then shoot my husband."

"Anything else?" Jimmy queried, wheeling into the room. She looked up at him pitifully. "Hey."

She returned his greeting and let her head fall to the table. Paige made her some peppermint tea, which her mother still swears is the cure for anything, and prattled on to Jimmy about the party problems.

"Let me see what I can do." Jimmy sounded so self-assured, so determined as he flipped open his cell phone. Within minutes he had ordered extra chairs and found a replacement caterer.

Paige kissed his cheek exuberantly, which thoroughly confused a just woken up Craig but even Ellie laughed at the blush that rose high in Jimmy's cheeks. "Just trying to prevent a disaster," he said, an uncomfortable chuckle accompanying his words.

…0...

Jimmy was oddly sulky most of the evening. Ellie still felt awful so they sat at the same table, looking more like they were at a wake instead of a party. Craig was feeling better thanks to another nap and a lot of water and spent the evening alternating between comforting his wife and dancing with Paige's mom. She seemed quite taken with him to be honest.

"What's with Jimmy?" he asked me about three hours into the festivities.

I shrugged. I had asked that myself but all I had gotten was an 'I don't feel too great, man' and that was the end of it. "Got me. He's been like this for about a week or so now. I think it's helping Paige with the wedding. Makes him think about Ash I guess."

Craig nodded. It was as good an explanation as any. I met Paige's eyes across the room where she was being interrogated by my Grandma. Motioning towards Jimmy with a nod of my head, I watched as she excused herself and headed over towards him and Ellie. I kept my eyes on them while answering Craig's questions about the force. Dylan walked over and somehow managed to talk Ellie into a dance, Paige taking her vacated seat.

It was all I could do not to chuckle at the sight of Paige, wearing her most determined cheer up face, chattering away to Jimmy who appeared as if she were inflicting Chinese water torture on him. But she kept at it and before long Jimmy was smiling and laughing along with her and but the time she got up to take Dylan over from Ellie Jimmy looked happier than he had since he and Ash left.

…0...

Paige had gotten the idea to expand the store around the beginning of April. I was more a silent partner than anything by that point so I left the details up to her and Jimmy. But knowing Paige like I did, there was little doubt that the expansion would be underway by the time we got back from our honeymoon. Paige pretty much had Jimmy wrapped around her finger by then. Honestly-it took longer than I thought. Paige has a way of getting under people's skin until they fall in love with her. She could charm anyone.

The local art world had embraced Jimmy by then, and he had a new show practically every weekend which Paige always insisted we go to. I ha no problem supporting Jimmy-he was my best friend after all-but it seriously cut into the little time we had together. Hey, they are better ways to spend a Saturday night than with dozens of stuffy, old, and rich people.

Two months to the day before the wedding was his biggest one so naturally we were there. We walked in, Paige smacking my hand away from my tie, and Jimmy made a beeline for us-actually leaving the Mayor mid sentence.

"Hey, guys." He was smiling the biggest smile I'd seen on his face since Ash left for London. "I'm really glad you came."

"Like we'd miss one of your shows for the world," Paige stated. She waved her hand in the air like it was nothing. "We are so proud of you, hon."

"That's one of the best things about finding the one," Jimmy remarked. "Becoming a 'we' instead of just being yourself."

Paige looked confused, maybe even more so than I must have at Jimmy's tone. He sounded bitter and a little jealous and Paige excused herself to go talk to some vendor she knew through the store.

"Man, what is up with you?" I asked. "This is your big night and you're acting like someone just shot your dog."

"I don't have a dog, Spin," he muttered. Like that was the point?

"Dude-the New York Times is over there!" I pointed at a snobby looking man in a way too expensive suit, Jimmy smacking my hand away. "What's wrong?"

He took a deep breath, running a hand over his face in distraction. "It's just … when I see you and Paige … I get a little jealous, okay? I haven't had a date since Ash left and you guys-you're so happy … and it just gets hard sometimes, you know?"

Whoa. Jimmy never delivered loaded statements like that without meaning them. I knew he missed Ash, but … wow. "I had no idea, man. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he offered with a shrug. "You two deserve it."

"Thanks." I smiled and he returned it. There wasn't really much else to do. We're guys, okay? "We'll go, okay? Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow." He gave me a wary smile. "We're finalizing the caterers, remember?"

Right. And I had agreed to be there. Paige's habit of asking me stuff right after sex is one of her most persuasive tactics to this day. Evil. Then I caught her eye from across the room over Jimmy's head and she winked at me. Evil or not-she was my girl.

…0...

"Paige, Babe, you home?" I sat down the pizza I'd brought home on the table and wandered through the apartment looking for her. She'd been acting weird the last few days, weirder than the usual crazy bride stuff, and she was starting to really freak me out with her distance. Wasn't planning a wedding supposed to bring us closer?

I found her on the bed surrounded by a mound of papers in every size and color imaginable, pens sticking out of her hair, and she was actually wearing her reading glasses for once.

"Honey, you okay?"

She shook her head frantically, pens and highlighters falling around her like some weird type of rain. "You do realize that we are less than five weeks away from our wedding day, don't you?"

Sitting beside her on the bed, I plucked the remaining pens from her hair. "You're stressing again, Baby. Why don't we just leave all of this," I pushed the papers out of her lap, "and go eat. I brought pizza with pineapple-your favorite."

"Pizza? Veggies, Spin. I told you-no fats, starch, or carbs until after the honeymoon. I intend to fit into my dress and every teeny little bikini I bought for Hawaii thank you very much." She made to grab for the papers I had shoved aside, but I'm quicker and stood up and lifted them high over my head.

"Okay, using your advantage in height against me is not acceptable," she huffed. "Spin, those are the construction permits to expand the store. I need them!"

I lowered them a bit. She made a attempt to get them so I raised them higher. "Only if you promise to put them away until tomorrow and come have dinner and a night of mindless TV with me."

"Spin-"

"Don't make me call Jimmy and tell him you gave me the go ahead on the pigs in a blanket," I warned.

She scoffed. "He'd never believe you."

I raised an eyebrow in challenge. "Want to risk it?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and jutted her hip out. "You do realize that I've had like no sleep and ten times more coffee than usual today, right? And that I can withhold sex for like, ever, if I wanted to?"

"You'd so cave." I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her against my chest, and nuzzled that spot on her neck she can't resist. A sparkle caught my eye and I raised my head to look at the earrings she was wearing. Diamond studs, real by the look of them, and not a pair I'd seen before. "Nice earrings."

She flushed. "Oh." Touching her fingers to her earlobes self consciously, she backed away a bit. "A present. From Ash. I got them in the mail today."

"Pretty," I observed. "Expensive."

"Yeah well, she's probably feeling guilty about not being able to come to the engagement party and stuff."

That didn't sound like the Paige I knew. "You didn't call to thank her?"

"Voice mail. I honestly thought she'd call me back by now," she replied quickly. Too quickly. "You said something about pizza and TV?"

"Paige-"

"You better have gotten garlic sauce," was the only response I got.

…0...

When Jimmy began skipping out on poker night at Marco's (we never play for anything other than Oreos) and Paige called in Dylan and her mom to help finalize the wedding plans I knew something was up. When she insisted that the expansion could wait until Fall, when Jimmy would be in New York, I figured that something had gone down between them. Jimmy and Paige have always gotten along pretty well-no major blowups in all the time they'd known each other.

When I tried to ask her about it she gave me some story about an argument over the band they had booked (that was one I actually wanted in on) and Jimmy said the same. But I began to see less and less of both of them and when I did it was brief and awkward. Not what I was expecting from my bride to be and my best man.

…0...

One of the biggest crime sprees to ever hit Toronto broke two weeks later. Being a newly minted Detective about to take a week off I was shoved right in the thick of the investigation. I thought Paige would have my head, but oddly enough she seemed more relieved than angry. We were three weeks and counting from the big day and the only times I ever saw Paige was at night when one of us would collapse into bed or in the mornings during the mad rush to get out the door. She was training her assistant manager to take over while she was gone and endless tirades about her incompetence ensued. She wanted to fire her, but she was some cousin of Marco's and she didn't want to risk a big family blow up.

My investigation was dying down by the day. Clues were dwindling all the time and no new information came up so I was allowed to go back to regular beat duty until anything came up so I wouldn't get too into another case before I left for my honeymoon.

I had forgotten how straining beat duty could get though, so I wasn't getting home until around two every morning. Paige was already asleep by then and she left the house at eight sharp every morning and I wasn't getting up until ten so the only times our paths crossed was the few minutes between her getting home and my leaving and even that was a rare occurrence. It became very clear that she was avoiding me and I couldn't figure out why. I tried to get a hold of Jimmy to see if maybe she'd talked to him about it, but all I got as his voicemail saying he was working and to try later. Then when I went by his studio it was empty.

My Lieutenant let me leave early two weeks before the wedding. He said he'd seen how much overtime I had been working and didn't want me to get in trouble with 'the Mrs.' as he'd been calling Paige for years.

Hey, I wasn't complaining. Maybe now I could talk to her about what was really going on and why she was growing more and more distant the closer we got to the wedding.

But she was already in bed when I got home, her wedding planning stuff and permit papers scattered everywhere in sight. My anger slipped a notch. Paige had been wearing herself out for months trying to get everything ready and what did I do? I threw all the responsibility that was rightfully mine off onto Jimmy without any thought other than how to get Paige off my back.

'_I'm lucky she's still willing to go through with it.'_

It was right then I decided to take the next day off, and persuade her too as well. We needed some 'quality time' together if you catch my drift. Hell, we just needed any time together.

The full weight of my exhaustion hit me in the dark of the bedroom with Paige laying there so peacefully and suddenly all I wanted was to sleep with Paige all curled up inside my arms-the way it was supposed to be.

I crawled into bed beside Paige and knew instantly that she wasn't asleep. Her breathing was too even and controlled for her to be truly asleep. Plus she snores a little bit but denies it. As tired as I was it would have been nothing for me to just drift off and not say anything. Then I heard a very muffled sniffle. Holding my breath, I waited to see if she did it again. Once could be nothing but twice …

She did. Just as quietly, but I heard it as loud as if it were through a megaphone. Paige never cries without a very, very good reason. She likes to be in control. Not even sad movies can get her. I'm more likely to sob at a chick flick than she is. So her tiny sniffles were an instant cause for alarm.

"Paige? What is it?"

"Nothing," she said hoarsely. "Just allergies."

She was lying. How did I know? Because Paige has never had allergies. I flicked on the bedside lamp and placed a hand on her shoulder, rolling her over towards me. There were tear tracks running down her face and her lower lip was trembling. I gathered her against my chest, squeezing her as tight as I could without crushing her. "Honey, what is it?"

She shook her head, muttering incoherently into my neck. Fresh sobs overtook her and she trembled in my arms. A sense of panic like nothing I've ever known filled me. I had no idea what could be going on to make her act that way. She was never the type to just lie down and take something. She fights-with everything she has.

"Please, Paige, tell me what's wrong?" I pleaded.

"Do um," she said slowly, "do you remember me saying that I couldn't find those proofs from the photographer that I was looking for this morning?"

I nodded. Not much about a photographer to cry over but it was something.

"I couldn't find them," she went on. "And the last place I remember seeing them was at Jimmy's a few weeks ago so I went over there to see if he had them and he … well, he didn't look too good."

Even more alarm filled me. First Paige, then Jimmy-I couldn't take much more.

"He'd been … he'd been drinking."

"God … is he okay?" Truth was I wasn't sure if I really wanted to hear anymore. Yeah, Paige and Jimmy were friends, but there wasn't a reason for to get so upset over him being wasted unless something bad happened.

"When I asked Jimmy what was wrong," she said softly. "he um, he said something."

"Like what?" She shook her head, fresh tears falling down her cheeks and I felt the urge to smack Jimmy around a little bit. If he had made Paige cry he must have said something pretty nasty. When she still wouldn't speak, I placed my hand under her chin and titled her eyes up to mine. "Paige, honey, you have to tell me."

"Jimmy said-"

"Yeah?"

"He said that he's in love with me."

Paige's words, the last words I thought I would ever hear in my entire life, hit me like a ten ton punch right in my gut. Jimmy was in love with Paige. My best friend was in love with my fiancée-the love of my life. That was just so … wrong. And not just parallel universe kind of wrong. End of the world kind was what came to mind. The sort that totally changes everything you've ever known in that way you know will never be fixed.

"He said what?" I didn't even recognize my own voice. Paige's eyes widened then shut tightly at what she saw in my eyes. I think I scared her as much as I was scaring myself.

She started crying again, hysterically, and covered her face with her hands. Tighter and tighter I squeezed her, like some subconscious part of me was trying to guard against Jimmy even though that made no sense. I released her finally, brushing her hair away from her wet cheeks. Placing a hand under her chin to tilt her face up to mine, I smiled at her weakly. "Anything else?"

Her eyes darted around, looking anywhere but at my face. "Paige? Tell me."

"He kissed me."

It wasn't until that moment that I knew how bad words really can heart-like an ice pick to the heart.

"I'm gonna go talk to Jimmy." My clothes are exactly where I let them fall, I wasn't even aware that I was putting anything on-not really.

She jumped out of the bed, moving between me and the door, her hands on my chest to keep me in the room. "No, Spin, please. You'll regret it."

"The only thing I regret," I said with my hands on her shoulders to move her out of the way of the door, "is wanting Jimmy back as my friend in the first place."

…0...

I pounded on Jimmy's door for fifteen minutes before he answered. I got that it took him a few minutes to get into his chair, but part of me was convinced that he knew it was me and he was hoping I'd eventually go away. "Jimmy, man, open the door!"

He finally opened, bleary eyed and in his pajamas. "Spin … it's after midnight."

"I have to talk to you." I shoved my way past him, into the same ground level condo he'd lived in since moving back to TO. Just being in there, knowing what had happened earlier that day, made me want to break every expensive gadget in the place.

"So Paige was crying when I got home tonight." I watched his face closely for any sort of reaction. Nothing changed. That's how I knew that he knew she had told me. There was no concern on his face, no trace of curiosity as to why his so called 'friend' would be crying in the middle of the night a week before her wedding.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. She got some bad news tonight." Still he said nothing, kept his eyes firmly on his hands in his lap. "Aren't you even gonna ask if she's okay?"

"She told you." He didn't even sound surprised that I knew. I would have found out sooner or later because neither of them are that good at keeping things inside. "I guess you're here to pound on me now."

I scoffed. Typical. "That's what you want, isn't it? For me to lose it and beat the crap out of you. It's what you deserve."

Jimmy nodded. We stayed there, both unsure of what to do, my eyes on my so called 'best friend' and his on the floor. His inability to look at me began to make me angry. I had a nagging suspicion that either he felt he'd done nothing wrong or there was more to the story than I had originally thought.

"Can you tell me that this is it?" When his gaze finally reached mine it wasn't a Jimmy that I recognized or one that I liked. "You can't stand me having something you want, can you?"

"Spin, man, just listen-"

"No! I won't 'just listen.' I can understand falling for Paige. She's amazing. But you … you're my best friend, Jimmy. You were there when I first had a crush on her back in grade nine. You were there when she dumped me. When we did that whole stupid friends with benefits thing. You were the first person I called when we got back together. You … you helped me pick out the damn ring. How could you do this to me?"

"You just said yourself that you understood someone falling for her." God, how pathetic was that? Did he think I was just going to stand aside and let him have her like it was nothing?

"So that makes it okay?" I exploded, seeing red in front of my eyes that blocked the best friend I've ever had from my sight. "I didn't mean the one person in the world who gets just how much she means to me. You're supposed to get it. You can't want to take her away from me."

"I don't," he told me with about as much conviction as a kid who's just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"You're a liar," I said. The door slamming behind me on my way back to his car echoes in my head the whole way home. Paige was waiting on the couch when I walked in, gnawing on her cuticles. Without a word she stood and wrapped her arms around me as soon I walked in. I lost something that can't be replaced and she blamed herself.

…0...

Our wedding fell on one of those prefect late summer day that only comes around every few years in Toronto; gorgeous clear skies, ideally warm without being hot even in the direct sun, even the bugs seemed to be absent. Paige was thrilled.

She was also beautiful and smiling in her white gown, her hair cascading down her back in curls. She knows I can't resist her hair like that. And the moment I lifted her veil to kiss her was the best of my life. I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I don't think I've ever felt so…right in my entire life.

Marco took over as Best Man. He cried more than my mom, but was tactful enough not to mention Jimmy once after I asked him. I think Paige told him beforehand. She became overly attentive to me following the night I went to Jimmy's studio. Paige has always possessed the ability to soothe that in me that no one else could even see. Her hand on my face during our vows no doubt looked sweet and romantic, but it was more about letting me know she would understand if I wasn't as happy as I should be under the circumstances.

With someone who loves me that much, how could I have been anything other than ecstatic?

Paige squealed in surprise when I lifted her off her feet as I kissed her. But I couldn't hold my exuberance in … despite the nagging little thought in the back of my head that there was something was missing. For some reason, I kept seeing Paige's new diamond earring in my head. She had confessed that Jimmy had given them to her after I found them in the bathroom garbage can. I sent them back to him via messenger later that day. Paige wore her mother's pearls instead. The diamonds would have matched her dress flawlessly, or so I was told, but any mention of them caused a dark cloud to settle over her face. And this was her day-she didn't need the baggage.

"Are you happy, Mrs. Mason?" I kissed her neck lightly and she snuggled further into my chest. The enormous train of her dress formed a type of cocoon around us and our chair with her in my lap, allowing for the one brief moment for us to be alone that day.

"Deliriously," she whispered into my ear, peppering small kisses along my jaw line. She threaded her hands together behind my head and fixed those big blue eyes of hers onto mine. "Are you? Really?"

Yikes. Loaded question and we both knew it. I wound my hand behind my head to grasp one of hers and laid it on my chest, over my chest. "Paige," I said, "you've been in there for years. There's not a single thing that could make today anything less than perfect. I mean it."

"Not even a certain person we both know you're missing like crazy?"

I shook my head. Jimmy had meant more to me than anyone in the world once upon time. Then this girl with the biggest eyes I've ever seen, and an attitude to match, walked into my life and no one else has been able to come close to what she means to me. Even when we were apart-all those years we frittered away with other people-that pull was there; the one you develop with those people that meant to be in your whole life.

It remains to this day the most important thing in my life. And the idea of not treating it as precious as it was … well, that just wasn't an option.

Jimmy showed up after the reception. Paige was hugging her mother goodbye for the third time when I glanced over from my place beside the limo and saw him across the street from the hotel where the ceremony had taken place. Paige's hand landed on my arm just as my eyes locked onto my former best friend's. I covered it, squeezing gently, before I made my way over to him.

"Congrats, man." There were bags under his eyes and his skin looked sallow. An air of dejection hung around him that I had never witnessed from Jimmy. While I felt for him, a part of me couldn't help but feel a little twinge of satisfaction. "You both deserve to be happy."

"Thanks. I'll tell Paige you send your best." Jimmy flinched at the deliberate sarcasm I added to the words.

Hey, I think that under the circumstances I was allowed to be a little bitter.

"I never wanted to hurt you man," he said, "or her. But I can't help the way I feel."

Neither can I," I replied. I glanced back over at Paige, feeling her worried eyes on my back, and smiled reassuringly at her. "You were my brother, Jimmy. And what you did … it really hurt that you could do that to me."

"Yeah well, our relationship's been full of moments like that I suppose." The words hit hard in the way only an intentionally spiteful blow like that can. Most of the bad blood we'd shared throughout our lives was indeed my fault, but there are some lines that not even the passage of time and guilt can make it okay to cross.

"Paige is waiting for me. I'll see you around maybe," I told him.

Jimmy's head shot up, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Think we'll ever be okay?"

A shrug was the only response I could muster and he nodded in understanding, wheeling away down the street.

A big, deep pang hit me. There are some moments in your life that are so big they're destined, designed, to alter all the day that fall after it. If you're lucky, they're for the better. If you're really lucky, you can recognize them as they're happening. Others are subtle, but no less important. And like them, the ones that have the potential to upturn everything you've built your life on feel like the closing of a chapter you're not ready to quit reading even though you have to.

"_Enjoy it while it lasts, Gavin. It doesn't last forever." _Nothing does. Not really. But some things do last your whole life if you get blessed the way I was. So with a smile, I turned to go to the person that defined my life for me.

…0...

_**Yeah…it just kinda happens.**_


End file.
